And Just Like That, All My Lard Is Gone


It was a simple maneuver: Move a few things to let Gangnam Beef snug in for the evening. Everything moved accordingly until I grabbed a small bag of duck fat ( I do believe I’ve mentioned my surplus of duck fat ). It’s like it always had a “thing” for the lard. Like duck fat was not quite the tasteless animal fat that lard is and resents lard for this exact attribute. So in the only way it knew how, the small bag of duck fat grasped the shelf tightly as I tried to move it thus tipping the shelf and all its lardy contents right onto the cold, hard tile smashing all that contacted it. The biscuits, the crisp potatoes, the pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving in one moment have become a dream that will never materialize. I’ll need to find a new charming pig with lovely white gold fat to set our table right. I’m unhappy with you, duck fat, so you will spend some time in the freezer until we both cool down.

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